Charlotte’s Corner. Not Web. With pig though…in bacon form.

Err’body loves brekky. It’s a fact. Those people who don’t eat breakfast are…stupid. Yehhh. There’s that expensive education being put to good use. What a vocab.

A couple of weekends ago, a few mates and I ventured to Charlotte’s Corner in Blackburn. Great little set up and we scored a big table out the back with the sun shining.

Ma boyf and I were running a tad late so we quickly ordered caffeine and food when we got there. My eyes went straight to the corn fritters and of course I requested a side of baaaccon. It was a Sunday. Bacon is required. He went with the big brekkie along with a couple of the others, and the rest of the crew made up their own meals. Safe to say, everyone’s meal, bar one, involved bacon. That’s why we are friends.

The rest of the crew already had cawfee when we got there. AT and I waited…and waited…and waited for our coffee. Eventually mine came out. In a massive take away cup. When we had just ordered food…why would I want my cawfee in a takeaway cup? I decided it would take a while for them to move the coffee into a mug so I just settled with my takeaway cup. AT’s cawfee was still coming….and didn’t arrive until the waitress was asked about it…twice. It’s a latte. No tweaks or fancy stuff. A straight up latte. Ahh dear. Mr waiter clearly wasn’t listening when we ordered.

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Ridic corn fritters. Sooo delicious

That was evident when my corny corn fritters arrived sans bacon. Yep they forgot the bacon. This is unfortunate for the average eater, but for me, the emotions were running as high as when they have to put Marley down in Marley & me. When I enquired about the whereabouts of my bacon, the girl was accommodating enough, but I do believe between then and when the bacon arrived, they had gone to farm the pig. Aka it took a while.

Admittedly all the food looked super yum and my corn fritters were def the best I’ve had in Melbs. The bacon, when it arrived, was super underwhelming though. Definitely will be back for the corn fritters again. Will just ask the waiter to repeat the order back to me and make sure they know that people like coffee in mugs.

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Surprised I got to take a photo before AT stabbed me with a fork.

The big brekkie was devoured by the boys and the made up meals were enjoyed as well. Seems the chef knows what he’s doing. He could teach the wait staff a few things.

The company was fab and the conversation was, as always, entertaining. Solid effort Charlotte’s corner. Just learn to listen. And maybe smile. People like happy people.

7/10.

Charlotte's Corner on Urbanspoon

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Sprrrrrriga. Super fun to say.

Good coffee seems pretty hard to come by in my little pocket of Melbs’ CBD but never fear, I sniffed it out. And it’s gooood.

Spriga, is a lil’ shop on lil’ Lonsdale with a small kitchen and rather large possibilities. I’ve grabbed a couple of cawfees here recently and am loving the taste. The beans are Allpress but I do believe it’s the barrista (not the barrister…remember that one. Could sting you) and the machine that makes this coffee stand out from the other 1.676 million coffee places in Melbs CBD.

I am kind of obsessed with anything Italian, so with the tag line ‘Roman Espresso bar with a Melbourne soul’…well they’ve won me over already.

The other morning I caught the early train (urgh), didn’t want to go to the office yet and so settled into spriga for a Long Mac and hopefully some avo on toast. The lovely waitstaff were super accommodating when I requested the avo and I had a seat.

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Long Mac. Not black. MMMac. :)

A few minutes later, the waiter came over to me and told me the avo was a ‘tad woody’ and I wouldn’t enjoy it. THANKYOU SIR. I have ventured to a ridiculous amount of cafes and the like, and been served avo that was far from ripe and it was still served to me. I wanted to give him a hug for the honesty. He probably thought my reacon to the sad news was incredibly odd as I think I smiled and said “THANKYOU. That’s fine, I’ll leave it.”
I would go back to Spriga on that event alone. Honesty. What a change in the café scene.

So def head to Spriga and be reassured you’ll only get avo if it’s worth eating. And in this avocado crazed city, this is a breath of fresh air.

The sweets cabinet also looks ridonkulous and takes me back to the many espressi bars I frequented in Florence.

Delicioso Spriga. A domani.

9/10.

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Souva time.

Cmac and I have been trying to re-embrace Melbs, which involves trying to find a new lunchies place whenever possible. Because we are both suckers for a souva, when I saw Kalamaki, it was a no brainer.

Both of us have had many souvlaki both in Greece itself and at our second, cheaper option, Stalactites in ‘little greece’ further up Lonsdale.

Kalamaki has a chilled vibe and is unfortunately situated at the end of the touristy hardware lane. But hey, we can’t be hater coz of its location.

Being your typical Uspoon-fan, I’d read a few reviews and people were comparing it to souvas from Greece so my expectations were uber high. Cmac ordered the lamb souvlaki and for some reason this carnivore went with the chickpea souvlaki w tahini and yoghurt.

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Chickpea souva with well placed sign.

You can’t argue with the price ($8/souva), but the quality and taste didn’t take me back to the donkey packed streets of Mykonos.

Cmac enjoyed his souva but wouldn’t write home about it, and I gotta say the same about mine. The pita itself was great, but the rest of mine was 80% lettuce and greek yoghurt. I couldn’t taste the tahini and where was the gaaaarlic??

I’m sure the people I met with that arvo back in the office were appreciative of the lack of garlic, but without that, it lacked a lot of flavour.

The place kept referring to their ‘virgin tzatziki’ which comes sans garlic. Let me think about that. Greek food without garlic? Not sure what their angle is on that one. But I say no no to that! Best part about greek food is leaving feeling like you could knock someone out with your breath.

They might have good reasoning for the lack of garlic. And if you know why, feel free to fill me in on that little secret!

I even just googled the term ‘Kalamaki’ to see if it meant ‘garlic’ hater’ in greek. But no, it means meat on a stick. Or a straw in case you were wondering. Or heading to Greece and want to make sure you can get a straw to drink ouzo with.

From Cmac’s review of the lamb, I prob wouldn’t even head back there to give that a go – ‘decent, but too much red onion’ was his very detailed summary.

The salads did look good, but I think I’ll leave it to Hellenic Republic and Stalactites to fill my greek void until I can afford to go eat 50 souva a day in Ios again. Also want to give the super hyped Jimmy Grants a go.

6/10.

Kalamaki Greek Street Food on Urbanspoon

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Ain’t nothin’ Common about it.

The corner of Burwood and Glenferrie road seems to be where establishments go to perish. Whilst I was working in the area for a couple of years, I reckon that place changed 4 or 5 times. Until now. I hope. Otherwise this sounds silly and I’ll have to come back and delete that paragraph and it all gets a little awkward….

So a couple of weeks ago I ventured back to my old stomping ground to have a squiz at the relatively new Hawthorn Common. It was an overdue, overdue catchup with MK that was the reason. But hey, who needs a reason to have an awesome breakfast? Or any meal/bit of food for that matter.

Firstly, the place is huge. Ridic. If they are going to survive, word needs to spread fast. So spread the word! Twas a beautiful Saturday morning in Melbs and at around 10.30 the huge venue was probably half full. But I’ve seen oh so many insty posts from the place lately so I imagine it’s popularity is shooting sky high.

We got a great spot at one of the communal tables outside and it’s a great environment which somehow cuts out the noise of the busy people on Burwood Rd rushing to get a snag at Bunnings. Or maybe they were going to get some construction stuff…..my mind always thinks about food. Not a surprise to anyone I’m sure. I mean, I’ve just finished dinner and I’ve already planned breakfast tomorrow. (Muesli and 2…ok 3 pieces of avo on toast…in case you were wondering). Anywaay.

Ordered a flat white which was great, not too creamy and a smooooth flavour. I’m no coffee whiz. If I enjoy it, I’ll tell you. They’ve got a range of the hipster coffee (cold drip, aero press…) as well as fresh pressed juices which all sounded great. Def gonna go for a green smoothie next time. OH yes, there will be a next time.

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Arty photo of cawfee. Incase you didn’t know.

After perusing ze menu, I went with the baked beans with spicy lamb sausage and a poached egg. Yep, pretty schweet. OH it gets better. As I ordered, the lovely waitress replied, “We cook our baked beans with bacon. Is that ok?”

Ha, trick question? Anyone who’s read any of my stuff will know that I have a special place in my heart for all things bacon. I’ve even utilised the hashtag #alwaysaddbacon numerous times on my Insty (@jpandmelb…shameless plug).

MK went with the pancakes which sounded great as well. Vanilla…fruit…honey syrup…what’s not to love. I’m more of a savoury person when it comes to brekky but pancakes always strike a little food envy in me.

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Baked Beans (w Bacon), Spicy Lamb Snag w Poached Eggies.

The baked beans were really delicious. Such a rich flavour in the beans and the house baked multigrain sourdough was the perfect spoon. Usually go for GF toast when ordering brekky out, but when you can smell it when you walk in, there’s not deterring me from that!

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Pancakes w Vanilla & Honey Syrup…and fruit…incase you were confused.

The pancakes were also a generous serving and MK demolished them. Always a good sign. They were fluffy but full of flavour and dense enough to balance with the vanilla and honey syrup. Ha wanky comments galore today.

Hawthorn Common are all about the organic. Straight from the farmer. Then scraps are composted and the circle of life continues….in the ciiiiirrrcclleee, the circle of liiiiiife. Oh yeh, Elton. Now I want to watch the Lion King. With bacon beans.

Overall fantastic food, and good coffee. Great vibe about the place and the random laughing places on the wall have to make you smile. Or feel a little creeped out. Either way, they make an impression.

I hope Hawthorn Common sticks it out here as they’ve got a good thing going! Bit of competition for the incredibly overrated Axil Coffee below. If I had a choice, I’d choose Hawthorn common ten times over.

 

Good luck to the commoners of Hawthorn. Power to ya!

9/10

Hawthorn Common on Urbanspoon

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Melbourne Vino Store. Aka. City Wine Shop.

My beloved City Wine Shop. Been many a time since I moved to Melbourne allll those years ago, ok it was 3 years…. and it was really how I came to fall in love with this city.
The ambience, the décor, the crazy wine wall and of course the food… gah everything about CWS makes you want to come back. Unfortunately there were a couple of snags this time around (issue-snags not the snags of the sausage variety) but I’ll forgive those (maybe) and head back soon…ish.

On last Friday’s unexpected balmy evening, there was really no other place I would pick for a nice glass of vino and a side plate or 7. So when looking for a dinner spot pre Hughesy Comedy fest time, I chose this quaint lil’ eatery on Spring St.

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Arty photo of the wall….that’s a nice wall.

Being a lovely night, Melbournians were clinging to the end of summer so the place was packed. Which unfortunately meant sitting inside at the bar or waiting an hour or so. To the bar I went and enjoy a loveeeellly glass of La Spinetta whilst waiting for AT. If you do venture to CWS soon, please try that wine. Oh it’s like a party in your mouth, but a sophisticated, black tie party, not a rowdy Facebook all-invited kinda shindig. Delicious.

Almonds and olives were a perfect accompaniment. I ordered them to share with AT when he arrived, but unfortunately he was served up a bowl of olive pips when we got there. Tried to pass them off as nuts but that didn’t go far.

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This was the evidence used to prove there WERE almonds (see, bottom right!)….but I demolished them rather quickly…

Being up at the bar, you get the atmosphere at a rather overwhelming level which was, admittedly, a slight deterrent. We were seated right next to the cash register so people were in my ‘zone’ when paying which was bearable, until one larger lady decided that my lap was a seat and proceeded to almost sit on me. That wasn’t well received….

I was going to ask if it was possible to move however I overheard the staff complaining to eachother when another pair had requested a move so decided against it. Not a good look.

When AT arrived, we ordered a couple more bevvies (another vino from the gods for me and Vale Lager for him…followed by a vino of the gods for him) and ordered some food.

 

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Delicious La Spinetta

The service was prompt but not exactly friendly. Even though we were seated right in front of 3-4 staff, they did seem slightly more interested in each other and cleaning glasses than serving patrons which was a tad off putting.

Now. The first time I visited this lovely establishment was with my foodie bestie JT and he raved about the Tuna Nicoise and he was oh so right. Unfortunately it was taken off the menu for a while there which was extremely disappointing!

I was (slightly too) happy to see it back on the menu once more and ordered it right away. After a massive Friday lunch AT wasn’t too keen on a big meal, but a small meal for him just equates to a slightly larger than average meal for normal folk. He went with the Blue Cod Special with Chorizo, potatoes and olive tapenade.

Was super tempted to order some Polenta chips as well (because they’re delectable) but didn’t want to be too full to devour the Nicoise.

After I finished discussing my super exciting working day with AT, the food arrived accompanied with the waitresses comment “Ohhh I thought this was yours but thought blue cod was steak, so I didn’t think it was yours…”….ok not the best communication with patrons, but hey she might be new …. to food…and life. Then I pictured a cow swimming in the ocean. My brain does weird things when I’m hungry.

Both the dishes looked scrumptious. I have eaten many a time at CWS and their presentation is always brilliant. Even the polenta chips are always stacked in a neat manner and yet still remain so crispy. Ah I want some now. Salivating. Anyhoo, back to our food!

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THE Tuna Nicoise

The ‘deconstructed’ nicoise has to be one of my fave go-to meals in Melbourne however this one probably was sitting at about 75% compared to previous plates I’d had. As it’s just lightly grilled, the tuna needs to be a good cut and it was either not the best piece or the large fillet was sliced incorrectly. So the fish wasn’t as good as I was expecting.

Also, probably way too many green and butter beans in relation to the rest of the food. Eggs were perfectly soft boiled though and when combined, the flavours are fantastic. The potatoes served with this nicoise are epic. SO crispy and then SO fluffy inside. Probably fried several times, but hey, whooo cares.

AT really enjoyed his blue eye (not steak…fish) and the skin looked nice and crispy. Reminds me of bacon. Mmm bacon.

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The Blue Eye Cod with Chorizo – Special for ze evening

He seemed to be knocked off his seat by something spicy but we couldn’t find the source…so, CWS please take care in your chili ratios! Or maybe there was a stray spicy pepper in there. There was nada about chili in the title of the dish so was quite a surprise for him, ‘specially when he’s not the biggest fan of chillllllli.

Overall another great experience with a couple of flaws. I’d still go back. I’d still have the nicoise but I’d just hope for a better cut of tuna next time. Also couldn’t fit it at the time, but I HIGHLY recommend the lemon tart. Gah I’m salivating again.

Get up there if you haven’t. After a splurge in Prada it’d be the best way to finish a day. If you can afford to eat after purchasing a ridic handbag….

Have a vino outside and then enjoy the big communal table up the back for more vinos and a meal.

This experience – 7.5/10….usually a 9

 

City Wine Shop on Urbanspoon

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Friday. Rambling time.

Friday. Oooh yeh. Melbs has copped a fair bit of rain this week, nothing on Sydney’s downpours but people are starting to realise Winter is Coming. And so is Game of Thrones, hence why I am allowed to capitalise ‘Winter is Coming’…so there.

And if you don’t watch Game of Thrones, you won’t understand…and that’s ok too.

As the weather is still making up it’s mind on whether to be hot or cold or rainy or windy, we Melbournians embrace this by filling our ridiculously large handbags with umbrellas, jackets, hats, sunscreen and hey, with global warming, we might need to throw snow goggles in there too soon.

Pretty devastated, as I just grabbed a good old Milk Arrowroot to dunk in my tea…and it is now at the bottom of the tea cup. RIP Mr arrowroot…and tea. First world problem of epic proportions – when you pull the biscuit out of the tea…and there’s no biscuit. Boooo.

Heading to the comedy fest to see Dave Hughes tonight, which is also a good excuse to eat some food in the CBD prior so will post about that on the weekend.

Doing a hike/walk tomorrow as well…mhmmm, I’m exercising. Should be interesting seeing as I’m going with 3 epically fit individuals. BUT I have been promised food afterwards. They know how to sell exercise to me.

Anyhoo – Friday rambles over.
Enjoy your day people. Snack, snack away. Coz it’s Fridaaaaay.

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Golden Royalty.

Saturday night in St Kilda. The sky was putting on a fantastic show and it was date night for me. Ooo yeh.

Golden Fields was ma man’s choice, and what a choice it was.

We didn’t book so made sure we got there at about 7 – 7.30 to make sure we didn’t have to wait long. Luckily there were free seats up at the bar, complete with bag hooks. One of life’s greatest inventions.

The service from the start was fine. Horrible word I know but that’s what it was. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad. They just did their job and made everyone comfortable to a certain level. I love good service. Almost as much as I love bacon so that was a bit of a downer for me.

Perusing the ‘to share’ menu was a challenge in itself. I wanted errrrrything. We decided on a few starters to share and then we would take on the lamb shoulder. The waitress then informed us everything that we didn’t finish could be doggy bagged. Although this was fantastic news, it was almost a challenge… we heard it as “I bet you can’t finish the shoulder after all that food”. Challenge accepted my friend.

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Standard cutlery photo. Want those chopsticks!

Ok so first up. If you are seated at the bar, be prepared to be used a bit like the bumpers at a bowling alley. (Side note: I haven’t bowled in years…but think I will forever appreciate the bumper bars). With a small space between us and the table behind, I reckon we were hit about 30 times throughout the meal, with only one person apologising. One old fella put his hand out to apologise and ended up tapping me on the rear end…awkward.

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Quirky decor…a Japanese Roller Derby.

We were getting used to being a bumper and I was, of course, telling my AT about something really important, when IT happened. His face just froze, he giggled (ok maybe that’s not true)…and he managed to stammer “ahh…Dermott Brereton just sat next to you”. It was possible the funniest moment of my life. I have never seen him giddy. And this was reaction was the definition of Giddy-school-girl.

Yes Mr Brereton is royalty to any AFL lovin’ person. Half the restaurant stopped eating to watch him sit down. Next to me oooh yeh. I win. He’s a big guy so we often had a leg brush. Never washing my calf.

SO back to the food. Yes I know it’s hard but let’s concentrate. First up was the raw Duckfish with Avocado Puree. Yep I said Duckfish. Admittedly, we ordered the duck fish because neither of us had heard of duckfish.

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Duckfish, Fresh Wasabi, Avocado and Konbu.

For me, it has a similar consistency to Kingfish. I would compare this entree to ChinChin’s Kingfish sashimi as they have very similar flavours. But…drumrolll…Golden fields does it better. Bravo my friends. So fresh and finishes with a tang but nothing overpowering. Great start.

Along with the Duckfish, arrived the Octopus dish. I would not want to have come across this octopus whilst having a splash around in the sea. This fella would have been rather large. Great fresh flavours once again, although the octopus was maybe a tad overcooked. The kimchi was delish and fresh and crisp. (love that word. just say it – crisP)

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Grilled Octopus with Kimchi Sprouts.

Date night was going swell, especially as I was kinda on a dinner date with Dermott as well…although he was with a lady friend too. Naww. Sorry AT, you know you wanted to be on a date with him too.

Service didn’t really improve and there was a bit of a lack in atmosphere for some reason. Although a very entertaining part of it was watching a man seated next to AT trying to get a photo of Dermott on his iPhone in a VERY unsubtle way.

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Fried Shitake & Cabbage Dumpling.

The third and final starter was the fried dumplings (usually 3…but we got 4, because neither of us would offer the other one the ‘odd’ dumpling!) The dumplings were really crispy but probably not enough filling for the amount of pastry. Twas’ a tad underwhelming, but I’d still eat 50 more of them.

After sipping on more Pinot Noir and failing to eavesdrop on Dermott’s conversations, AT was subjected to more of my ramblings. Just think, if you don’t like reading this, you can exit and go google something else…unfortunately he can’t do that.

Soon, we were ready to tackle the meat. A 700ish gram lamb shoulder of spectacular bambi. To accompany the meat on meat, we also order the side of green beans with XO sauce (or ‘kiss hug’ sauce as AT described it. He gets me).

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Tomato & Chili Lamb with Mint & Coriander Paste.

This dish was oh so good. Beautiful rich lamb with so much flavour. Was expecting it to be a tad softer but I didn’t care that it wasn’t. We demolished that bad boy. Oooh yeh. The mint and coriander paste is also a welcome freshness. Well, lamb and mint, it’s not rocket science but damn it’s awesome.

Then, hehe, Dermott asked me what we were eating and somehow I managed to be super smooth and reply in a calm tone, whilst AT attempted to say something and all that he managed was a high pitched “Ur..”. Ooh yeh he played it so cool.

The only other lamb shoulder I have had is Cumulus Inc’s trademark dish and I have to say, they are very different flavour combos but I think G.Fields trumps them too!

Unfortunately we couldn’t fit in dessert after such an epic Meat Fest 2.0 but I will def be back to try that Peanut Butter Parfait.

So yes, I would go back. But I definitely want to book next time so I don’t have to be the bumper bar again, as it did detract from the night. BUT if you told me I would get to make small talk with Dermott Brereton again, then I would put up with the bumpies. It was also fantastic to watch my boyfriend turn into a ten year old girl who had just seen the biebster. Ew. I just mentioned Justin Bieber in a blog.

So overall, great food but the service and seat position could be improved on.

Up there Cazaly! 8.5/10

Golden Fields on Urbanspoon

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Food and dranks…but it was all about the beard.

Well, I do enjoy the blog life. If it paid the bills I’d do it all day err’ day.

On Friday night, my lovely friends at Trumpeters Iced Tea gave me two passes to the Autumn version of Flavour Exchange. A chance for foodies to check out some new products and judge other foodies whilst they attempt to take arty photos of every stall.

Ok I admit it, I tried to take photos….arty ones…buuuut I was too busy eating a ridiculous amount of food with ma buddy Cmac.

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Kinda Arty…fellow foodies at Flavour Exchange

Our first stop was of course the awesome Trumpeters Iced Tea where founder Hayden Newton was impressing the crowds with their delish drank. I know I have mentioned this bevvie a few times, but get on it! They’re becoming uber popular and spreading their wings through many hipster bottleo’s in Melbs.

Trumpeters-ResizedWe moved around a couple of the vino stores to taste their produce and we had some delish Pinor Noir first up from Willow Creek Vineyard. I would like to be able to tell you more about the brand however the lovely frenchman pouring the drinks was incredibly distracting, and I walked away on Cloud 9 not having any idea what he’d said.

Of course to go with vino, we tried some cheeses. Brie on fresh baguette was on offer from Goldfields Farmhouse Cheese so we locked that in. The bread was delicious (I love bread ALMOST as much as bacon). Unfortunately the brie was really cold and therefore quite solid which took away from it. Thought cheese people would know ’bout cheese temperature….but hey they mighta been super busy and didn’t have time!

The biggest line of the night surprisingly belonged to the Natural Pasta House. The pasta for sale looked great especially because it was Tagliatelle, this Italian-try-hard’s fave. Sadly, the taster they were whipping up was carbonara. In my opinion, if you’re going to show off the pasta, don’t cover it in creamy, rich sauce. The service as well was rather rude considering they are trying to get their product out there. No smiles, no small talk, just “cheese?”. It’s parmesan for one. Two, sorry wasn’t impressed. Yes it was al dente but nothing spesh. Can get a whole lot better at the Waiter’s Restaurant up on Meyers Lane.

Cider was also available however the first we tried was ridiculously sweet unfortunately. The culprit was Endless Cider. IF you like sweet cider, then you will love this as it has a champagne base. Unfortunately for us non-sweeters, it really wasn’t drinkable.

To cleanse the pallet (in a weird way) we smelt some delish Gluten free chocolate brownies and made a beeline for them. Ok I made a beeline for them and Cmac had no choice but to follow the dessert-crazed female. Louisa Morris Cakes was the target.

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The brownie was amazing. Although not hard to make, it can be over sweet, and this was just perfect. I was tempted to ask how many tokens it would take to take away the whole tray. But Cmac had his eye on different cider so we moved on to that.

Enter the beard.

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Faire Ferments was set up to show the public what the Good Food Co-op has on offer. Ahhh yum. Only in a couple of bottle shops at the moment, but definitely get onto that if you love pears cider but prefer that it’s actually pears and not sugar.

Cmac also congratulated him on his epic beard which was definitely impressive and many hipsters north side could learn a thing or to from this gentleman.

Soon it was wrap up time and we were running around trying to eat and drink as many free samples prior to shut down time. The smell of sourdough was sooo alluring (especially for those of us who would live in a bakery) and so it was to Rustica Sourdough we went.

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If I’m being honest, we ate the equivalent of a small town’s bread supply in the space of about 3 minutes. They had the plain sourdough and a Fig and Fennel (odd i know) Sourdough which was just, melt in the mouth (kinda), amazeballness. Gah bravo friends, bravo.

A great night out and if you love food and Melbourne definitely hit up the next event!

Check out http://www.flavourexchange.com.au for deets.

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Insty.

So I thought I’d attack more forms of social media as my words seem to be entertaining more and more people. Yay me!

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So if you are on Insty, and enjoy average food pictures and rather entertaining rambles, check me out @jpandmelb. Yes I am aware it’s not Melbs. Insty wasn’t allowing that unfortunately. So the singular it is! Get on it.

Peace out.

 

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Buffet. Gods country.

Skywalker had Darth Vader, Buzz Lightyear had Zurg, Indiana Jones had falling rocks, and my good old nemesis is the buffet breakfast. Probably as deadly as any baddie, ever.

One of the finest buffets I have ever lay my eyes on has to be Melba in The Langham. This brilliant hotel boasts a brilliant ‘Titanic-Esque’ (pre-sinking) fit out and stuns me every time I get to visit.

This morning was no exception. Lovely staff, beautiful décor, and a whole lotta food. What’s not to love? Oh and of course a chance to see my father dearest on his recent trip to our fine city.

Go there with an empty stomach. That’s my only advice. The buffet is definitely one of the most challenging first world problems an individual must overcome. As my favourite comedian, Michael McIntyre, points out, you walk into the buffet and decide you want croissant, eggs, pancakes, juice in tiny glasses, bacon, fruit, muesli, even when you don’t eat muesli!!

Everything is there in front of you and ahh you just want to eat it all. The Langham even throws in a lolly bar and chocolate fountain, in case their deliciously, strong coffee doesn’t give you the kick you need.

The one gripe I have with buffets is the snail paced toaster. Over the years, all other aspects of the buffet have advanced, but the beloved old grandma toaster still remains. I could go and source the grain, mill it, bake a loaf and toast a piece of toast in a regular toaster in the time this sucker takes. Ah well, if that’s your only problem JP, you’ve got a lot to learn about the world.

Brekky was super yum and the staff were, as always, very attentive.  Poached Eggies were nice and runny, and all other food was fresh. Aside from the hash browns which were a tad soggy. But that was ok as that gave me an excuse to eat more bacon. My obsession with bacon went to new levels when I dreamt of bacon last night. No idea what was involved in the dream, think I was just eating a plate of bacon. Poor Wilbur.

The baked goods smelt deeeelish but I resisted and had some lovely grainy toast with the oh so tasty tiny jar of Strawberry Beerenburg Jam.  Then of course had to eat a massive plate of berries and fruit. All so fresh and a perfect way to pretend that I didn’t consume a kilo of bacon beforehand.

 

I then went to work and continued to eat. I have portion control issues beyond resolve. And I love everrrry minute of it.

 

Melba. Do it. 8.5/10

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